Wait For It: The Fleeting Small Window of Enlightenment

Never say, "I know"--at least not too early. Listening is an awesome skill, which most people don't seem to value much.

I used to hate to see my uncle coming. To avoid talking to him I'd pretend to be on my cell phone, scurry about rushing to seem as though I was running late somewhere, or simply about-face and continue in the opposite direction. All these dodging maneuvers to prevent being drilled, interrogated, and lectured. By the way, he was a college professor so he could lecture for hours, literally. And this guy would take the longest pauses during his speeches. He looked like a deactivated robot standing there with his hands frozen in his last gesture.

He, of course, had my best interest in mind and had only the best intentions to help me. But he bored me to tears. Not because he himself was a boring person but because I felt I already knew what he was trying to tell me. However, it clicked one day. I began to listen to him out of respect and discovered that if I could hang in there, he'd eventually tell me something so enlightening. It was kind of like gold-mining.

Whenever I'd experience a moment of clarity or enlightenment, I'd wonder, "How in the hell did I go so long without knowing this?" How did I ever miss out on this piece of information? Am I a know-it-all? Since this epiphany I vowed to never say, "I know" when someone is talking to me about anything. Just because you know something similar does not mean you know a person's point entirely. The only real way to know if the understanding is mutual is to repeat it back to him or her in your own words and wait for confirmation.

I can always tell when someone is half listening or formulating their response when they appear to be listening. People do that often. It bugs me when people listen until your story reminds them of a similar story of their own and they cut you off as though theirs is more interesting. At this point, I usually pretend to listen while thinking, "I know she did not just 'circumcize my wisdom' like that". 'Circumcizing wisdom' is something we used to say as kids. It meant to interrupt someone before they were finished making their point or to try to shut someone up.

Here are some tips to better listening, i.e. enlightenment

• Never think that your story is more interesting or important than someone else's
• Never try to finish someone's sentence (ag-gruh-vay-teeing!)
• Be open to all viewpoints
• Know that if your belief is solid enough it should be able to withstand the test of investigation
• Don't talk because you like the sound of your own voice; it's obvious
• Don't feel like you have to talk to fill in silence

A few more things and I'll let you go: I'll keep it in bulleted form. (It's probably easier to read. It's definitely easier to write.)

• "I know what I'm sayin'...I just can't explain it!" Yeah right. If you can't articulate it, you don't know it.
• Saying, "I know" too much can discourage people from talking to you (but that may be what you want)
• Nothing is wrong with not knowing. Just say, "I don't know but I will try my best to find out."

More later.